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Thu, Jan. 10th, 2008, 11:31 am

So, I'm doing an NVQ at work. Because I was ever so kindly nominated by my line manager. It is a level 2 NVQ in customer service, and with no disrespect towards City and Guilds I don't think it is really intended for anyone past school leaving age.

An example question and answer from a module i had to complete this morning about using email and writing letters at work;

- Describe how you operate the equipment used for producing and sending written or ICT communications.

- I use a personal computer with a mouse and a keyboard. I rest my hands upon my keyboard and mouse and manipulate them in such a way as to generate words on a screen. I also use a printer to make hard copies of the output that is made as a result of these manipulations.

I can't wait for the next challenging module, probably titled 'Telephone Communication Skills'. I imagine I will have to explain in detail the process of picking up a phone, dialling a number, waiting for an answer and then speaking and responding accordingly to a voice that appears out of the other end of the telephone. Hopefully it will teach me the specific skills needed to stop banging the keypad with my clenched fist then shouting 'ring ring ring ring ring bananana phone' at whoever answers. Which is what I do now.

Wed, Nov. 21st, 2007, 02:44 am
Dear Vodaphone

My text message alert tone on my phone is loud. Please don't text me to tell me I have 11 voicemail messages at 2.40am. Every night.

I know I have 11 voicemail messages. If I want reminding of this fact I can dial my voicemail so I can hear the lovely autobot lady tell me I have 11 voicemail messages. She will also tell me that I can't listen to them because I haven't topped up my phone with calling credit. I probably won't ever top up my phone with calling credit again because you annoy me so much.

Byebyelovefrompaul x

Thu, Oct. 25th, 2007, 01:37 pm

So. People can nudge you on LJ? Something I learnt today from 1smart1 (who is the only reason I visit LJ-Land these days anyway. To read about her crazy life).

So here's for you my skydiving friend, because I am fairly sure you are the only person on my friends list who will see this. Except for littleleighgirl but only because we now live together lol.

Things are much of a muchness down this way. That baby I mentioned on my previous entry is now approximately 60% larger and 400% louder. He crawls, he claps his hands and he blows raspberrys out of his mouth with a look of fantastic concentration. Which is amusing. So far we have no luck on the hoovering or getting daddy beers from the fridge though, but we're working on it.

I'm still working in the same place, but in a slightly higher role. It basically means I'm not last in the queue to use the photocopier. Hell yeah!

Apart from that not a huge amount is going on. I'm looking forward to my work Halloween party on Saturday, if only to see the hot chicks from HR prancing around in sexy witch costumes. I shall certainly post pics when I can.



Fri, Jun. 30th, 2006, 04:22 pm
Look what we made.

Lookit! My girlfriend and I did some boom boom and this turned up in her belly!

Scared me a bit, because I didn't rub my finger in her belly button yet. Which is how I thought they were made. Watch out guys, if you put your dingle in a ladies foofoo it makes a baby. Do not....I repeat...do not put your finger in her belly button, it will take ages.

It's very tiny as well. The reason that it is very tiny, and I am showing off already, is that we have suffered a bit over the past 6 months with recurrent miscarraiges. So this ickle white smudge of 6 week old beating heart baby is just as valid as a 12 week old slightly bigger smudge of white beating heart baby.

We have never ever got to the beating heart bit up till now. Even when we went to the hospital this morning we were expecting the worst. My girly started bleeding heavily on Tuesday night. So we were pretty much in a 'here we go again' frame of mind when we turned up at A&E this morning (cos she was in a lot of pain). Steeling ourselves for another month of heartbreak and pain.

But, I don't think I have ever heard words sweeter than those told us by the white coat lady with the big dildo x-ray thing. "Well, bearing in mind you've hade a heavy bleed.......I can see a baby and a heartbeat". Which was nice.

Soooooo, without further ado, here's our very own smudge of love. It's got little crosses either side of it, inside the sausage like black thing, and it's hanging on for dear life so we don't have to send another star up to heaven for Julies Nanny to look after (she's got 5 already, she'll be screaming murder).

Read more...Collapse )

Sun, Feb. 19th, 2006, 10:05 pm

I love Julie! I do love her very much. She makes me very happy. And even when I am a little bit drunk she doesn't mind to much. Like now. She is looking at me. She just kissed me!

And now she has gone to bed. Because I think I am littel bit to drunk to have a decent converstaion. So i am going to go and snuggle with her.

Byebye love from paul

Sun, Feb. 12th, 2006, 12:25 pm

Hello LJ.

I am at work today. It is sad. Sundays are days of rest. Not days of work. Working sucks.

What if I were to think of a wonderful invention, and patent it, and market it, and sell it, and I will never have to work ever again on a Sunday or another day or any time ever again for as long as I live amen.

Sticky bits of paper that you can write reminders on and stick to the fridge...or your monitor...or....shhh, you have said to much. To the patent office!

*ponders* Remind-It Tabs(TM)

Wish me luck, for my lunch is ending, 4 more hours of toil and torture.

Mon, Jan. 9th, 2006, 08:05 pm

I do work for an ISP now.

If you want to 'buy broadband' do not take your laptop to the computer store and ring us up from there demanding we magically install it over the phone using oobajooba mysticism and the power of thought.

If you cannot connect to the internet we always recommend waiting for your modem to arrive in the post, plugging it into your phone socket and turning your PC on before ringing us up.


A national newspaper won't really care that you didn't have enough money in your bank account to pay us you heroin addicted piece of sputum filled distended rectum.

And lastly, if you have been on hold to a premium rate number for 3 minutes, drastically running up your phone bill! Then we always recommend taking another 90 seconds of your life (and another £1.50 in call charges) to tell us how disgusted you feel. The irony is astounding.

In other news I might be being a daddy soon. Which is nice. If daunting. Will keep you updated.

Fri, Oct. 21st, 2005, 04:33 pm

45 minutes left then. 20 months later and I have learnt a lot and made some great friends along the way. I am very sad to go but I know that the future is going to be exciting for me. I am unbeleivably happy to be moving oop north with my beautiful girlfriend, a new home, a new job, a new life.

I'll be sad to say goodbye to me mum. But that's a thing that we are used to. It's not the first time I've left for pastures new, although this time I know I won't be coming back with my tail between my legs asking for a bed again lol.

My workmates bought me an engraved hip flask as a leaving presentCollapse )

Wed, Oct. 19th, 2005, 11:43 am

I honest to God just received this email at work.

"hi i have bin on the web and there is a lot of stuff being given away free
like pc and tft moniters sony was one of the ons that come up and i wonder
if it is the cace and if you have to do any think to get some freestuf i
have spent a lot with you in the past like sony handycam dcr-ip1e pal
spent over £1200 on it and it will not work with mypc right and then found
out you no longer sport info on it and you coud not help me with it so
£1200 and i can not us it full potenshal and agen sony clie sj30/e can no
longer get any think for it ps2 then you brort out the littel one you
bring out all this and do not sport it for long any way back to the point
so do you give away free stuff if so how do i get hold of it yo can get me
on email@email.com thanks"

I'm thinking some guy got very bored at home one night and decided to fire off a few hoax emails.


We are going to be living in a world where our future bank managerz and lawyerz carnt rezizt uzin da lettar Z wen corazponding wiv custamarz. It scares me.

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